If I were a girl Even just for a day Id roll outta bed in the morning And see just how much noise I could make Id start drying my hair Youre still asleep I dont care I put all the lights on in the bedroom Turn the TV up to full volume too Its just what us girls do If I were a girl Id spend my day being mad Id blame it on my hormones And burst out crying even when Im not sad Id say that Im fine Then not speak for the day Say nothings wrong when you ask me Then Id still be bloody angry And start arguing when you get to bed If I were a girl Id always moan bout my weight Say Im fat and ugly Even though I know Im still a size eight Id demand equal rights But then wanna walk through doors first Id say all men are perverts And then wear a stupidly revealing skirt Id say Im independent That I dont need no man Then Id expect you pay For meals and nights out we plan Id want to have it both ways, Is that really so wrong?
Why you shouldn't let Chris have a drink on a Thursday. Lyrics: I never even knew her name It was always just Mrs D I met her when we were at school And I came round to yours for tea But last night, you were out And she asked me to come in And then it happened suddenly On top of your ironing I kissed your mum and I like it The taste of old womens lipstick I used my tongue just to try it I hope you and your dad dont mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right Your mums quite hot in a certain light I kissed your mum and I like it. I liked it That day when I didnt show for work, Was with your mum at Tescos She even lifted up her shirt, By the jersey royal potatoes Yeah shes quite old, and wrinkly too But her lips felt just like silk And she got a ladder in her tights, By the semi skimmed milk I kissed your Mum and I liked it, While we were watching countdown I used my tongue just to try it Next week well get your gran round I know its wrong, But it feels so right, Guess you and I wont be going out Friday night Your mum she is so beautiful Soft lips, dodgy hip, and a bit of stubble Cant use the bath cos she wont fit She uses , the shower, Aint no big deal at least shes clean I kissed your mum and l liked it, While you were playing Xbox We used your bed just to try it, I didnt even take off my socks, It felt so wrong, But it felt so right, But I hope you and I are still alright Cos I bedded your mum and I liked it I liked it
Lyrics copyright 'ChrisCohenMusic' 2008 Music copyright 'The Jam' 2008 One for the Palace fans! Lyrics On Saturdays down at Selhurst Park- We'll have a drink and a moan Looking -back to all those rosey days ..
Oh baby, I see you looking at me on your swivelly chair by the till You want me don't ya? I was in the supermarket just the other day The Supermarket baby --
A private video/audio recording of some highlights from Chris' set at the Fairfield Halls in Croydon, alongside Kevin Day and Jo Brand to support East Surrey Cancer Research.
Just realised I rhymed back with back in the first verse.. I'm a moron! Just a quick, rough, messy song encapsulating the Premier League up until this point!
My apology song to the big man... Chris’s apology to Peter Crouch
08/01/2009
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About this show
2008 was a great year for comedian, songster and presenter Chris Cohen. The 26 year old former IT worker was discovered in November last year after posting the now infamous Steve McClaren Tribute Song on YouTube. YouTube featured the video on the front page, prompting it to be discovered by footballing website fanbanta.com. They asked Chris to perform on their weekly web show alongside Kevin Day and Mark Webster. The show ran for six weeks as planned and Chris was asked back each week to play out the show with a new topical football song. Radio Five Live then picked up on the talents of Chris, and invited him to join Eamonn Holmes and the team on the breakfast show just before Christmas.
Chris Cohen's biggest showcase of his talents however, came in February 2008, when Endemol invited him to try out on their brand new talent show Upstaged, on BBC3. Chris and his co-guitartist Marek entertained the nation for 18 hours over three gruelling days, making up songs about anything and anyone live on the spot.
He took part in the BBC Radio Bristol morning show with Alex Lovell, recording all time high figures for listener phone-ins and requests with his unique ability to create songs on the spot.
Chris performed to a packed Fairfield Halls alongside Jo Brand and Kevin Day to help raise money for East Surrey Cancer Research at the annual Committted to Conedy showcase. He still regularly performs at clubs around London as well as presenting two firebox.com and footbo.com.